Happy belated new year! It is belated for a reason, you see just because a 2013 decided to switch to a 2014 does not make it necessarily new. Why? Well, because you ought to feel the change, merge with the change, and be the change. Life is good no matter what it throws at you, if you decide to fight back. Moping around and saying that you are good for nothing is really really really stupid and does not help anybody.
In life you have several things you might ace at. It could be work, studies, love, social life, health, luck, it could be anything and it could be only one of the those only. The optimistic side of me says that I need to accept what I am good at and try to nourish it more and more. However, the cynical me says that one is never enough, I need more, and more, and more. Where do I stand? I stand in the middle of both sides. I should accept what the universe has decided to give me and I should seek more and ask for more. The universe won't give me success because I am a good person, nor will it help me ace my studies because I have a beautiful skin tone. No, the universe chooses to deprive me of something she could easily grant me because she knows that I am capable of fighting a hell of a fight to take it and make it mine. This is her way of helping me improve and push myself forward. I would be a fool not to get the message. So for those out there who are still whining and saying why me? This is the answer. You can do it, you are just too lazy to go get it.
So my plan for my new year is a gradual one. I need to do a lot in a specific time frame. You see, I am the goddess of planning! I can plan everything from a simple outing to a lavish 5-star wedding and honeymoon plan. I am that good, however, I suck at sticking to it, if it is about me. So the first resolution is to come up with an easy reachable plan and stick to it. Right now, there are my Masters' courses, my health, and my questionable career. This year I want those three to be of great success. What am I giving up in return is my nonexistent romantic life and my negative and cynical attitude towards life in general. Okay, I will try to lessen the second one, no guarantees though!
I guess before planning the great year ahead of me, I need to purge out what held me back the past year. I was not meant to have a romantic lovey dovey life and I have come to accept this last night. I am the girl who will be forever stuck in the friend-zone, but sure as hell won't end up with a cat on her lap in her forties. Now that I have come to full acceptance, I can just stop trying to hard to be someone I was not meant to be and focus on the one I really am. The lost creative soul with a dark and twisted sense of humor who only a few can get and laugh at. I am a person who loves writing and reading but rarely makes time for them. I am the person who is willing to try anything that would make her feel alive and feel the adrenaline pumping in her. I am a person who is willing to break free from her parents, gradually instead of ripping of the bandage as fast as possible to make it painless for both of us. Why do I do that? I am a coward when it comes to them and the emotional blackmail is something I am not willing to live with. I am not quite sure what this says about me, but I am an introverted extrovert if that even makes sense. I love baking, but rarely my recipes come out as edible.
I have been watching Grey's Anatomy for a while and that is something shameful in my book, but I am indulging myself in it nonetheless; my guilty pleasure. I don't like to go out anymore, but I force myself to every once in a while. I am a person who is fighting so hard not to be house broken, I am trying to resist the urge to stay at home, a place that gives me no personal space, no privacy, no acceptance to who I really am, but it stays as a go to refugee, for I have no other options. I am a strange being with complexities I cannot even begin to understand in myself. I am a person with multiple personalities depending on who am I talking to. I don't recall a person who has seen every side of me so far. I am a chameleon, I choose to blend in rather than stand out because I hate the frost awkward silence I might face if I show them who I really am. That was how I saw myself.
Today, I am the person who is no longer afraid to be alone. I am the person who is willing to show her true self without fearing what others might say. Today I am the person who no matter what will stand up to her parents and decide that enough is enough! Today, I am the person who won't shy away because she fears the loud voices screaming at her. Today I am the person who will fight till she gets what she wants. Today, I shed off the old me and accept myself the way I was meant to be. Today, I start fighting. Today I am reborn. I will rebirth myself over and over and over till I get what I want and deserve. Today no matter how strong my parents are, I will assert my existence. Today, no matter how much they yell, I won't shy away. Today, I give birth to myself. Today they hear the cry of victory. I will no longer allow them to stifle me, nor will I allow myself to be stifled. Today my new year begins with better resolutions, better plans, more empowerment and more success. Today, I become Hla!
Reading all that out loud to myself made me feel really good. It feels nice to know that I have had it all in me all that time, but opted not to, well, "activate" it. Whatever it is can be done and is doable if I want to make it so. I am awesome and I should be proud of it, always!
Happy New Year, filled with innovation, creativity, sponatuosity, and hope! Happy new belated year!
Peace Out! H!
In life you have several things you might ace at. It could be work, studies, love, social life, health, luck, it could be anything and it could be only one of the those only. The optimistic side of me says that I need to accept what I am good at and try to nourish it more and more. However, the cynical me says that one is never enough, I need more, and more, and more. Where do I stand? I stand in the middle of both sides. I should accept what the universe has decided to give me and I should seek more and ask for more. The universe won't give me success because I am a good person, nor will it help me ace my studies because I have a beautiful skin tone. No, the universe chooses to deprive me of something she could easily grant me because she knows that I am capable of fighting a hell of a fight to take it and make it mine. This is her way of helping me improve and push myself forward. I would be a fool not to get the message. So for those out there who are still whining and saying why me? This is the answer. You can do it, you are just too lazy to go get it.
So my plan for my new year is a gradual one. I need to do a lot in a specific time frame. You see, I am the goddess of planning! I can plan everything from a simple outing to a lavish 5-star wedding and honeymoon plan. I am that good, however, I suck at sticking to it, if it is about me. So the first resolution is to come up with an easy reachable plan and stick to it. Right now, there are my Masters' courses, my health, and my questionable career. This year I want those three to be of great success. What am I giving up in return is my nonexistent romantic life and my negative and cynical attitude towards life in general. Okay, I will try to lessen the second one, no guarantees though!
I guess before planning the great year ahead of me, I need to purge out what held me back the past year. I was not meant to have a romantic lovey dovey life and I have come to accept this last night. I am the girl who will be forever stuck in the friend-zone, but sure as hell won't end up with a cat on her lap in her forties. Now that I have come to full acceptance, I can just stop trying to hard to be someone I was not meant to be and focus on the one I really am. The lost creative soul with a dark and twisted sense of humor who only a few can get and laugh at. I am a person who loves writing and reading but rarely makes time for them. I am the person who is willing to try anything that would make her feel alive and feel the adrenaline pumping in her. I am a person who is willing to break free from her parents, gradually instead of ripping of the bandage as fast as possible to make it painless for both of us. Why do I do that? I am a coward when it comes to them and the emotional blackmail is something I am not willing to live with. I am not quite sure what this says about me, but I am an introverted extrovert if that even makes sense. I love baking, but rarely my recipes come out as edible.
I have been watching Grey's Anatomy for a while and that is something shameful in my book, but I am indulging myself in it nonetheless; my guilty pleasure. I don't like to go out anymore, but I force myself to every once in a while. I am a person who is fighting so hard not to be house broken, I am trying to resist the urge to stay at home, a place that gives me no personal space, no privacy, no acceptance to who I really am, but it stays as a go to refugee, for I have no other options. I am a strange being with complexities I cannot even begin to understand in myself. I am a person with multiple personalities depending on who am I talking to. I don't recall a person who has seen every side of me so far. I am a chameleon, I choose to blend in rather than stand out because I hate the frost awkward silence I might face if I show them who I really am. That was how I saw myself.
Today, I am the person who is no longer afraid to be alone. I am the person who is willing to show her true self without fearing what others might say. Today I am the person who no matter what will stand up to her parents and decide that enough is enough! Today, I am the person who won't shy away because she fears the loud voices screaming at her. Today I am the person who will fight till she gets what she wants. Today, I shed off the old me and accept myself the way I was meant to be. Today, I start fighting. Today I am reborn. I will rebirth myself over and over and over till I get what I want and deserve. Today no matter how strong my parents are, I will assert my existence. Today, no matter how much they yell, I won't shy away. Today, I give birth to myself. Today they hear the cry of victory. I will no longer allow them to stifle me, nor will I allow myself to be stifled. Today my new year begins with better resolutions, better plans, more empowerment and more success. Today, I become Hla!
Reading all that out loud to myself made me feel really good. It feels nice to know that I have had it all in me all that time, but opted not to, well, "activate" it. Whatever it is can be done and is doable if I want to make it so. I am awesome and I should be proud of it, always!
Happy New Year, filled with innovation, creativity, sponatuosity, and hope! Happy new belated year!
Peace Out! H!
