Peace Amongst Wuthering Heights

Peace is yet to be defined, a focus point, what do I want the most success, love, wealth, happiness? Do I want to be married with twins? Single with a bunny? Am I hungry? What do I want? Right now, I want nothing. School is normal, well as normal as it gets, with the never-ending girl drama. My love-life is as active as that of a nun's; a crush over here, a like over there. My friends are cool, some I see on a daily basis, and others I connect with via Facebook or chatting on the phone. I am not a popular girl, but I am happy. I am stable. My big sister showed me today some smashing Danish soundtracks to which I am addicted to! She is one of the purest souls that ever existed. She is funny, polite, sensitive, always on good terms with herself and knows how to relocate her inner peace if she ever loses it. She has this vast imagination that would take you to places you never knew existed. She is a highly intellectual person who is madly in love with Heathcliff. She has the ability to recite anything he said and could go on and on for hours talking about him and analyzing her beloved novel: Wuthering Heights from different angles and perspectives. I love her positive attitude and her strong believe that tomorrow will be a better place than today.

Dearest Catherine, thank you for being the positive beam of light in my life. This is for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjncyiuwwXQ

Peace Out! H!

Finding the H

While hanging out with Snappy yesterday, he kept saying he wanted the old H back since the new one was all about cursing and commenting every 2 seconds how hungry she was while eating plus it had to do with the fact that she was umm, hyper-active like and he could not get her to calm down a bit.

Thinking of the old H made me realize that I really cannot remember her, I know she was this shy, polite girl who would never say anything not "lady-like" when speaking. But she seems so strange to me now,  is she a mirage perhaps? A dream, a hope, a stereotype? I really have no memory of her. Who is she? Apparently she was a lovely person whom my Princess preferred to the now gangster, street-fighting chick she is dealing with nowadays. I know she would never be physical with her daughter (Princess I mean, I am a single girl so far no one knocked me up xD) and she would not go around cussing and swearing everyone and everything. She had poise perhaps. You know this is all frustrating; how can I restore something everyone has a memory of and not me. Was I drunk the whole time?

Well since I cannot restore Little Miss Perfect, might as well try to soften the gangster a bit. I admit I can be really harsh on my Princess and that for some reason she is still there maybe because she has hopes that one day I will wake up and just return to her royal highness Little Miss Perfect. But I know I won't and maybe all I have to be is being a little nicer to those around me I mean being a crazy bitch is doing no one any good (Yes Snappy I am aware I said bitch, get over it already.) Well I have nothing more to say or add.

I am thinking of allowing Princess to read "Days of the G"

Okay so my song of the day would be Sam Tsui's: Just a a Dream: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2RA0vsZXf8 .

Enjoy!

Peace Out! H!

I See Weird...

"Mary had a little lamb...London bridge is falling down...The wheels on the bus go round and round" stupid nursery rhymes that were all day on my mind, I do not really know what is the matter, it's a sensation, strange if you may, tranquility, yet there is something missing. My own disturbed psychology is finally healing, and my perspective concerning people is starting to change, whom I thought were close friends are no longer so, and people I once respected, I now despise. It's not "people" it's more of a person, a Creature. It really is magnificent how a.. well let me call it a "white innocent lie" can change the way you see a certain "glorified" person. It was a prank and it was stupid and I saw his image crumble right there in front of my very own eyes, I could not believe that. I thought the world of you and through a little prank it is suddenly over, I am back to square one.

The problem, however, is not getting back to square one, it is in the way I am dealing with things, I am mad and I am furious, I know he lies or "pranks people" whatever I no longer care for the definition, but I never really expected that to happen to me, I guess I thought he saw me in a different way, I was always hoping to be seen as a trustworthy friend, someone he could rely on and share whatever the hell he wants to share with- not that he does not do that, he does and at times I wish he would just shut up, but you get the point, what I really meant was a friend whom he would spare pranking-. Being pranked was a joke to him, but deep down it really did hurt my feelings, that crashing back to reality sound saying as loud as it can: You are just the same as anybody and everybody, you mean nothing to someone you admire and look up to.

My reaction was at first ignoring, later on confronting, though I do not think the message was well delivered, cause the idiot kept laughing, which made me more furious than I am already. I admit I am not good with words spoken out loud and I know I was cold and rude and itching for a fight with him. So far that was great for me, and at the end I got my wish, I think we had an indirect fight, which till now didn't satisfy my ego nor did it help to get the anger out my system. I only hate myself for calling back and for attempting to apologize to him. He doesn't pick up his phone, which is fine by me. I keep telling myself all this would be over if he just apologized for that dumb-ass prank of his. I really would let it go and pretend it never happened. I blame him for the misery I am in now, and I cruse Creature for having the effect he has on me now. Big brother my ass!

My go to anger track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALnvdOFKzDE

Peace Out! H!