"Mary had a little lamb...London bridge is falling down...The wheels on the bus go round and round" stupid nursery rhymes that were all day on my mind, I do not really know what is the matter, it's a sensation, strange if you may, tranquility, yet there is something missing. My own disturbed psychology is finally healing, and my perspective concerning people is starting to change, whom I thought were close friends are no longer so, and people I once respected, I now despise. It's not "people" it's more of a person, a Creature. It really is magnificent how a.. well let me call it a "white innocent lie" can change the way you see a certain "glorified" person. It was a prank and it was stupid and I saw his image crumble right there in front of my very own eyes, I could not believe that. I thought the world of you and through a little prank it is suddenly over, I am back to square one.
The problem, however, is not getting back to square one, it is in the way I am dealing with things, I am mad and I am furious, I know he lies or "pranks people" whatever I no longer care for the definition, but I never really expected that to happen to me, I guess I thought he saw me in a different way, I was always hoping to be seen as a trustworthy friend, someone he could rely on and share whatever the hell he wants to share with- not that he does not do that, he does and at times I wish he would just shut up, but you get the point, what I really meant was a friend whom he would spare pranking-. Being pranked was a joke to him, but deep down it really did hurt my feelings, that crashing back to reality sound saying as loud as it can: You are just the same as anybody and everybody, you mean nothing to someone you admire and look up to.
My reaction was at first ignoring, later on confronting, though I do not think the message was well delivered, cause the idiot kept laughing, which made me more furious than I am already. I admit I am not good with words spoken out loud and I know I was cold and rude and itching for a fight with him. So far that was great for me, and at the end I got my wish, I think we had an indirect fight, which till now didn't satisfy my ego nor did it help to get the anger out my system. I only hate myself for calling back and for attempting to apologize to him. He doesn't pick up his phone, which is fine by me. I keep telling myself all this would be over if he just apologized for that dumb-ass prank of his. I really would let it go and pretend it never happened. I blame him for the misery I am in now, and I cruse Creature for having the effect he has on me now. Big brother my ass!
My go to anger track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALnvdOFKzDE
Peace Out! H!
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