Oedipus Complex..The Twisted Version

"You look just like your father!" "OMG, this is what your father just said!" "Wow, you too look alike in a creepy way" this is just a glimpse of what I hear. The truth is I am not daddy's little princess, I am not the apple of his eyes, i hate and despise him. Hearing such words always makes me cringe internally. People are cursing me without being aware of it. He is my curse. I hate how people say, I have his, whatever the hell he has, I hate how they say I have inherited his personality traits, and how they feel like they are talking to him instead of me.

My father, is an emotional abuser, he used to physically abuse me as a young girl as a form of punishment, to make sure I will never do it again. That still has its marks on my legs, after all there is a reason I do not like to wear skirts and short dresses. That man, now being at the age of twenty, emotionally abuses me. Whenever he talks I feel anger, wrath -to be more precise- that is all bottled up in, I just close my mouth and force that stupid anger down to God knows where.

Making fun of whatever dreams and hopes I have is an abuse, making me feel that no matter what I do is not enough, is an abuse, telling me I am a loser, is a FREAKING ABUSE. I hate you. I want to go to intensive therapy because of you. I want to cry and I cannot. I have no privacy under your roof, you do not respect what I feel, want or do, you do not even knock on the door before you enter, you just barge in and you never shut the freaking door behind you. I HATE YOU. I hate how you conveniently enter when I am on the phone to shout and embarrass me. I HATE YOUR BARBARIC ACTS. I hate how you always stand on my brothers’ side and never mine, even though I am mostly right. I hate you. I just hate you. I hate inheriting your hormones, I hate having your DNA. I wish you death. I wish I were an orphan a long while back. I hate how I cannot express my feelings to those I love, it always comes out awkward. I hate fearing that one day I will be the female version of you. I hate how I am scared of getting into anything real (regarding romance), because am too scared to end up like mom, a passive watcher who does nothing. I hate you. I hate how you are always skeptic whenever I ask for anything. I lie and I cheat to get what I want from you. I hate how I cannot study because of your presence and how you keep coming up with fucked up ideas regarding remodeling the sardine can you call home, whenever I have exams. I am having an exam at the moment and I cannot study because you are acting like a freaking crazy hulk! You are losing your temper and you just keep screaming and I keep bottling it up. I will explode one day and I will kill you. I will find a way to do so.

And the most thing I hate about you, is how you think money can solve all this fucked up shit. Buying me clothes will not solve the fucked up, lost me. It makes me hate you for making me feel like a manipulator. I hate you. Oh how I wish I were an orphan. I hate you!

This is it!

Three more days to go and I will be sitting for my last exam. I am not thrilled, I am bored. As usual, the course was all fun and games, but studying is a bitch. The word has "dying" at the end of it. This is slow torture, I hate studying I do not like it, and I cannot imagine sitting for hours learning by heart what the textbook has to offer. No sir, I am not that type of a girl. Sorry.

My laptop is dying on me, the keys are slowly dying, or to be more precise they are flying over place, you need to press with all what you are worth for to type. Talk about inconvenience and the worst timing ever. Enough complaining, today seems -God forbid- cheerful. Too bad it has to be spent indoors.

Not much to write about, just a lousy update. Ooh and my crush is not ready for anything that involves romance..I just love me...

A song, well I recently discovered this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPZoaGqLGpQ
 Peace Out! H!

Fragmentation at it's best

I come from a seriously fucked up family. A family, where no one knows who the other is, but they judge each other according to certain misconceptions in their minds, nonetheless. In this family, the daughter is seen as a whore, not only by her siblings but by her mother and her father as well. This family is incapable of showing love or expressing it. It's a dead family where no one talks and no one listens. Each and everyone lives in his or her own world.

My world is not that fancy, it consists of a small bed, a desk and a laptop on which I can use to talk to my friends. I try as much as I can to escape the real family. I play The Sims, where the father truly loves his daughter instead of throwing some cash in her face, and the mother listens and accepts her for who she truly is.

Back to the real world, it's silent, a long while ago people stopped taking to each other. Instead, they have opted for finding new means to terrorize and to psychologically hurt each other. Making one reach he verge of thinking of committing suicide or eloping or just escaping and living somewhere else. Independence, therefore, becomes a means for survival 101.

There is not much to write about, after 20 years, it is just stating facts, mentioning the daily routine, getting by in the most dehumanized mechanical way, to avoid heartache. Something that continues to surprise me, I still have feelings after all this. Humanity can be restored, somehow.

Today, there is no song, just music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibEyHJ8gQG0

Peace Out! H!

Weird Combos

Somewhere on planet earth lies the perfect match for each and every one of us, well at least this is what I choose to believe. To each, a happy ending, a closure, an answer. Waiting for it, adds to the suspense and increases its value and makes one appreciate it a little bit more. These days, I am learning a very powerful lesson. I am learning how to be patient, I am rediscovering my self-control, I am curbing in my curiosity.

Talking to your crush on a daily basis does not make things easier. The things I would love to tell him, starting from "I miss you" and ending with "Why don't you tell me that you like me?" However, I have to be patient. This is not because I am following the fairy tale protocol where the guy has to confess first. On the contrary, I am not afraid of saying it to him, it's the reaction I will get that is making me halt and think twice each and every time I gather the courage to say what I really want to say.

A friend of mine, Feminine Fantasy to be precise, is 300% sure that we are already treating each other as boyfriend-girlfriend and whenever the subject comes up, she would start to laugh hysterically about how each of us is oblivious to the other's apparent affection and admiration. I hate to admit it, but I am a gullible person when it comes to this part. I do not do the small tiny signs that might and might not show whether the person likes me or not. However, I will detect a budding love story miles away. Crazy, I know, believe me. I have been living with that piece of work (myself) for 20 years.

Yeah, and Fantasy believes that he will confess on the last day of my exams and I find that completely ridiculous! Want to know why? Because he is the most patient person I have ever met in my life and I live on the fast lane most of the time. You can only imagine the bloody patience practice I go through  every time we talk together. Gee! As if that is not enough, he is too mysterious and I am too curious. Why on earth, why, do I like him that much. We are too different! This is the frustrated H talking here.

But as we talk together, I feel that I am changing, I realized that around him, I am calmer, which is huge but welcomed change. The best part of it is that he didn't even ask me to change, he did not tell me: "you are too hyper, calm down a bit" No, he just left me be. When we talk, or when we see each other, he is the only man who gets to see the most intimate part of me -emotionally speaking- He gets to see a side of me that is reserved for him and only him.

To be honest, I do not that much about him and neither does he know anything about me. But, he is that person that makes things nice and safe, fuzzy and warm and you feel like you are phoenix, born out of the ashes of your misery. For a while, I forget everything bad, everything negative and I just smile.

Today's song-post for the Mystery Man is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC8wZBT2SZg

Peace Out! H!

IT'S A MATTER OF DECENCY

Well today I sat in for my first final exam and let me tell you a little something regarding some exam protocol:

1. Bring your bloody pens, pencils, erasers, ruler, and every other bloody thing you might think of borrowing it from the person next to you, in front of you, or behind you. Really it is very distracting and it causes a freaking author's block to the person who is trying his best to write two lengthy essays in less than two hours.

2. Please, please, please, keep your moaning, puffing, huffing, and any other panicking noises you might think expresses your agony while taking your bloody exam to yourself. I assure you, we are all in the same sinking boat. So kindly, shut the fuck up bitch!

3. Don't ever forget your bloody watch at home. Asking every 2.4 seconds what time it is once again is very disruptive and provokes the people around you, making them exert their best effort to not turn around and bitch slap you.

4. In case you cannot abide by these simple rules, kindly stay at home and wait till you set a date for your bloody make-up exam.

Guess that sums up my day.
Best of luck to all those who are studying for their finals. May the force guide you folks!

Caution!! The video has extremely offensive use of language!!
The post's video today is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaFLezxS1tA

Peace Out! H!

Little Miss Lucky Number 13

She has no idea who she is, but she is there, stealing oxygen. A sign, one little glimpse of hope. A twisted table turning, with a twisted sense of humor, yeah that's who she is. The I am here, but I won't reveal. The questions without answers, the provocative chase. The end.
In case you couldn't get heads or tails out of this God knows what, then I have made my point.
Peace Out! H!

Because that was my inner background music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUmZp8pR1uc

Where is it heading?

That smile, the teasing, the silly banter and the curliness. The some what serious talk. I know I am sure, I know I am ready, I am just afraid to admit it before you do. It is never a good sign when this happens. According to Snappy, you are the guy who stole Christmas! But according to me you may have stolen something even bigger. Oh look at me for crying out loud! Being all in-love and back to the days of being a teenager. One is supposed to move on not to get stuck in one place, and sure as hell to not move backwards. Anyway what I need to do now is to focus. I have three more days before I officially sit for my exams marathon, the books won't get themselves cracked open alone! Focus! Focus! and please Focus!
I should leave it to faith.

Peace Out! H!
The usual song for the post would be: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTcTN0Z5v18

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

Well, to be honest, there is nothing that I really want to say here, and believe me that is not because nothing interesting has happened lately. I assure you a nice juicy amount of  emotional roller-coaster drama has been going on in my life for the past month, I just don't feel the urge to write about it.

But then again if I am going to be talking honestly, there is something. I have been contemplating it, I have been contemplating the idea of having someone aside from me to spend a significant amount of time with, I do not know what has gotten into me, but that person is great. There is not that much of talking going on here, but there is a smile, and as much as I would love to talk to you guys about every little single detail while analyzing and over-analyzing it, I have decided to just shut up. Not because I am a shy person, well I am at certain cases, but that is not the point. The point is I do not know whether that person would be comfortable with me talking about him here and then showing it to him and the whole world. So until I know that, this is what you guys are going to receive from me.

Recently whenever I remember him this is the song that comes to my mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysqh1uzqGrc

Peace Out! H!

Come Back, Please?

I miss you, I miss everything, I miss you to the point I no longer remember how it was. It's sad knowing that in a few months you and I will no longer talk. I tell you good morning and I get a distant mumbled one in return. It's lonely out there, no matter how many friends I surround myself with, no matter the declarations of independence I recite everyday; I miss you.

Do you remember the last time we hugged, the last time you kissed me, because I do not and it hurts to not remember. I do not know whether we used to be once upon a time close or not, I really do not, and it hurts like hell. I need you, I need my mommy, I need you to make me feel loved and I need you to talk to me, I want to be your spoiled little girl again, I want to tell you about my crushes, my friends, my hopes, and fears. I want to talk to you without seeing that judgmental disappointed look in your eyes.

I am sure that in your eyes, I am that ungrateful, cruel, cold child. A very distant person. I know that I keep saying I want to immigrate and never return and that I do not want to ever get married, and how I cannot wait to get my own apartment, but I want us to try and reconnect. I want one good decent memory I could hold on to in times of need, when I am really down, when I am alone. I want a memory that is about us: you and I, and no one else.

Mommy, do you remember when was the last time you smiled at me? All you do is frown, or worse, that blank face that I cannot read. Mommy your lack of words hurt me, and when you laugh at what my siblings say hurts even more, a sharp knife that is continuously stabbed in my heart. Did you notice that we stopped pretending that we are okay in front of strangers? Did you notice us avoiding each other in family gatherings?

Mommy, do you know that I have decided to make a new mother for myself to feel loved? Someone who is willing to befriend me, listen to me, someone who understands me. It is a great solution, you know, but it is temporary, because at the end of the day I get to live with my biological mother who makes me feel like an unwanted bastard.

Mommy, I want you to remember that I was your first born child. There is a picture I saw where you were looking down upon me and smiling. I want this back, I want it back now.

Mommy, in a few months time I will be gone, really gone, I will no longer be your anything. Even if by that time I don't have an apartment, emotionally and spiritually I will be away, far away. I would be a roommate to you. An isolated stranger. Do you realize how humiliating this is, begging for you to accept me? I cannot apologize for being me, and as a mother you are supposed to love me unconditionally.

Mommy, come back, please?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAvDFtD89Bg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zPi_l9j6SQ&feature=related
Peace Out! H!

Life, you know that kinda stuff.

Close your eyes, relax and breathe. Life has a lot of ways to throw one off, it could be in a positive way such as having a successful career, or being swamped in a lot of heartache and a bunch of misunderstandings that can piss you off to no end.

I know that I tend to be negative when I write here, for it is the only place I can truly express myself without being judged. No one knows who Lady H is unless she decides to unveil the mystery.

Back to my point, yesterday was the beginning of my 8-day break, a break away from drama, Facebook, Twitter, all means of socializing and focusing on the H, on me. I slept most of the day today and I do not regret it, in fact I feel refreshed, I needed it, so I took it. I watched my beloved sitcom The Big Bang Theory and I could not stop laughing at Sheldon's bird phobia! In this break, I tend to focus on me, do some deep self-cleansing and see where I want to go. I know I never tend to stick to a perfectly detailed plan no matter how "perfect" it is made, so I am going to draw a rough outline to where I want to head later in life.

The future is exciting and full of many adventures I intend to take. Independence, that sweet joyful word that sounds like choir bells to my ears. I love and I cannot wait till I fully grasp it. Traveling and eventually migrating to a place no man has set foot on, at least no one I know has set foot on. Australia, I think of it as home already, basking in the sun's glory, having a permanent tan instead of the continuous sunburns I get by living here. The ocean, waves, sand, sunset with a Pinnacolada or a Cherry Temple with lots and lots of ice. Sun-dresses and flip flops, my hair down and my I-Pod full of Evanescence, Mozart, Debussy, Beethoven, Yanni, and many others. Going to the opera once every other week. Having a bunny with pink eyes who does nothing but eat lettuce and sleep all day. Mr. Fluffy Bugzy, maybe I would get him a Mrs. but I want him and I to enjoy being single and happy having each other to socialize with. It is a fragmented dream, but it's a dream that can be modified to meet my wishes and needs.

As beautiful as the future seems to me, it can wait. I want the present too, I want it exciting. This is, hopefully, my last semester, I hope it flies by. I was expecting a smashing one, however, drama is a bitch I think (Yeah I am back to nagging, suck it up and continue reading or close the bloody tab, no one is forcing you to read anyway.) I am way behind in my school work, not to mention me skipping classes. Bad bad H.

Love, crushes, lust, those tricky stuff that seem to intensify in the animal's mating season and make you almost believe that man was once an ape. Darwin you and your crap! A roller coaster of emotions, wanting to have someone to give it to them, the simple hand-holding, smile, a silent conversation. Laughs and pranks and some jealousy too, maybe a date or two, dancing. Late night conversations and the good morning wake up call. To be honest half of all this is made up, but I like to consider it as wishful thinking, maybe one day. Perhaps. At times one cannot help but feel lonely not because they are surrounded by the always-happy-ever-after couples, but because they experienced such feelings before. She knows what it is like to feel wanted, loved, to feel precious and pretty. They are all good feelings. Having someone to encourage you and to believe in you. God, I used to be happily oblivious, why am I such a curious person who has to try everything to feel satisfied?! Now where on earth am I to have anything like that now?!

Meh, enough nagging, already I am 20 years old not 92 for crying out loud.
Peace out! H!
Happy Easter folks!

Keep smiling: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KagvExF-ijc&ob=av2

Peace Amongst Wuthering Heights

Peace is yet to be defined, a focus point, what do I want the most success, love, wealth, happiness? Do I want to be married with twins? Single with a bunny? Am I hungry? What do I want? Right now, I want nothing. School is normal, well as normal as it gets, with the never-ending girl drama. My love-life is as active as that of a nun's; a crush over here, a like over there. My friends are cool, some I see on a daily basis, and others I connect with via Facebook or chatting on the phone. I am not a popular girl, but I am happy. I am stable. My big sister showed me today some smashing Danish soundtracks to which I am addicted to! She is one of the purest souls that ever existed. She is funny, polite, sensitive, always on good terms with herself and knows how to relocate her inner peace if she ever loses it. She has this vast imagination that would take you to places you never knew existed. She is a highly intellectual person who is madly in love with Heathcliff. She has the ability to recite anything he said and could go on and on for hours talking about him and analyzing her beloved novel: Wuthering Heights from different angles and perspectives. I love her positive attitude and her strong believe that tomorrow will be a better place than today.

Dearest Catherine, thank you for being the positive beam of light in my life. This is for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjncyiuwwXQ

Peace Out! H!

Finding the H

While hanging out with Snappy yesterday, he kept saying he wanted the old H back since the new one was all about cursing and commenting every 2 seconds how hungry she was while eating plus it had to do with the fact that she was umm, hyper-active like and he could not get her to calm down a bit.

Thinking of the old H made me realize that I really cannot remember her, I know she was this shy, polite girl who would never say anything not "lady-like" when speaking. But she seems so strange to me now,  is she a mirage perhaps? A dream, a hope, a stereotype? I really have no memory of her. Who is she? Apparently she was a lovely person whom my Princess preferred to the now gangster, street-fighting chick she is dealing with nowadays. I know she would never be physical with her daughter (Princess I mean, I am a single girl so far no one knocked me up xD) and she would not go around cussing and swearing everyone and everything. She had poise perhaps. You know this is all frustrating; how can I restore something everyone has a memory of and not me. Was I drunk the whole time?

Well since I cannot restore Little Miss Perfect, might as well try to soften the gangster a bit. I admit I can be really harsh on my Princess and that for some reason she is still there maybe because she has hopes that one day I will wake up and just return to her royal highness Little Miss Perfect. But I know I won't and maybe all I have to be is being a little nicer to those around me I mean being a crazy bitch is doing no one any good (Yes Snappy I am aware I said bitch, get over it already.) Well I have nothing more to say or add.

I am thinking of allowing Princess to read "Days of the G"

Okay so my song of the day would be Sam Tsui's: Just a a Dream: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2RA0vsZXf8 .

Enjoy!

Peace Out! H!

I See Weird...

"Mary had a little lamb...London bridge is falling down...The wheels on the bus go round and round" stupid nursery rhymes that were all day on my mind, I do not really know what is the matter, it's a sensation, strange if you may, tranquility, yet there is something missing. My own disturbed psychology is finally healing, and my perspective concerning people is starting to change, whom I thought were close friends are no longer so, and people I once respected, I now despise. It's not "people" it's more of a person, a Creature. It really is magnificent how a.. well let me call it a "white innocent lie" can change the way you see a certain "glorified" person. It was a prank and it was stupid and I saw his image crumble right there in front of my very own eyes, I could not believe that. I thought the world of you and through a little prank it is suddenly over, I am back to square one.

The problem, however, is not getting back to square one, it is in the way I am dealing with things, I am mad and I am furious, I know he lies or "pranks people" whatever I no longer care for the definition, but I never really expected that to happen to me, I guess I thought he saw me in a different way, I was always hoping to be seen as a trustworthy friend, someone he could rely on and share whatever the hell he wants to share with- not that he does not do that, he does and at times I wish he would just shut up, but you get the point, what I really meant was a friend whom he would spare pranking-. Being pranked was a joke to him, but deep down it really did hurt my feelings, that crashing back to reality sound saying as loud as it can: You are just the same as anybody and everybody, you mean nothing to someone you admire and look up to.

My reaction was at first ignoring, later on confronting, though I do not think the message was well delivered, cause the idiot kept laughing, which made me more furious than I am already. I admit I am not good with words spoken out loud and I know I was cold and rude and itching for a fight with him. So far that was great for me, and at the end I got my wish, I think we had an indirect fight, which till now didn't satisfy my ego nor did it help to get the anger out my system. I only hate myself for calling back and for attempting to apologize to him. He doesn't pick up his phone, which is fine by me. I keep telling myself all this would be over if he just apologized for that dumb-ass prank of his. I really would let it go and pretend it never happened. I blame him for the misery I am in now, and I cruse Creature for having the effect he has on me now. Big brother my ass!

My go to anger track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALnvdOFKzDE

Peace Out! H!

C:C

Case: Creature:

Now Creature is really hard to explain, he is a human being to start with, to some he is a drop dead gorgeous, to me I find him normal, and I assure you from day one I didn't spot that WOW-factor girls find in him. We started as.. well I started by hating him with a passion, I made it my duty to just frown at him whenever he showed up, in hopes to drive him away because he reminded me of someone I hated. However, he was good friends with my Princess and after a while I knew that I just had to deal with the fact that he is sticking around for a while, so I didn't talk to him and tried to make his life a living hell, but I failed.

Over the summer and thanks to my Princess he accidentally added me on Facebook, something made me after a while happy because I didn't accept the request till after a week I would log on everyday and see that Friend Request and laugh. -Hehe good old days xD-. We started talking one day and I saw that Creature was a human being and decided to give a chance, though still not talking to him. Oh I know -girl logic whatever- then one day, me being this freaky bookworm, I was searching for a good book to read and he suggests The Other Boleyn Girl which turned out to be pretty good and that the boy really had some taste. I was impressed.

Some where along the road, Mr. Creature provokes me and decides to say that I look and act like a guy. I was hurt and deeply offended by him and I decided to loose weight and get a makeover just to prove him  wrong and show him I can be a lady when I choose to be. When we got back to school, the look on his face was priceless. Victory and success, they do taste sweet! HAHA!

Over the year, we started to get to know each other, and he turned out to be a good person and a wonderful older and taller brother to me :)

Now I have this thing in me I don't know whether it's good or bad, but I love my friends dearly and I consider them family, I cannot stand someone attacking them in my presence and just shut up and smile about it. I admit that it got me into a lot of trouble before, but that did not stop me. It's simple: you attack them you attack me. So I found it really hurtful when he wasn't there to stand up for himself and I had to just listen to what was being said about him from another close friend. It was not fair and I feel horrible, I feel like I have let him down and I cannot even go and apologize to him because that would lead to explaining what happened in the first place, which might hurt or offend him. Shame on me. So me being the genius I am decided to try and start "un-friending" him, it is easy, right? I hated the person once, I can hate him again, pick a fight or something and that's pretty much it, BAM!and we are no longer friends, and I might be able to sleep with a happy conscience. Wrong and fatal mistake; stupid thinking with stupid outcomes, leading me to avoid him at all costs. I am an awful person, I admit it.

I miss my brother and I cannot talk to him because I am avoiding him because I do not want to let him know what I know so as not to hurt him. Drama Queen much? Well enough of it already, I do not feel like writing anymore about this. Maybe I would just show it to him and hopefully, he would understand.

One of his favorite songs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NPgVESNjPg
Peace Out! H!

Rantings of the Solo

It really does not make any sense, all this stifled anger. I am really surprised how at times I laugh it off and at others I burst out crying and in most severe cases, I just shut down and stare at it. I feel lost, I do not where or how to stand, my core is gone. Ever felt like an air balloon, the least amount of wind pushes you away, far from where you intended to stand?

How am I to just shake it off, music is really a temporary medicine, its effect lasts for like 48 hours and that's it, back to square one. I feel like I have lost my identity. They say crying makes you feel better, but it just makes you aware of that hole inside, makes you realize how truly you are nothing.

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed: well I cannot say that this is not true, but it is not effective to me anymore, I cannot have a heart to heart conversation with Snappy, Feminine Fantasy, Princess Y, Forever Independent, or Creature. I have no idea what is it that I lack, what is it that I suffer and more important what do I want. Do I want to excel in my studies, do I want to be popular, am I on a quest of seeing who the hell is this new gloomy H? What? Questions that seem to have no answers yet.

Like an out of body experience, seeing people around you with a sudden new perspective (will be revealed later on), but it's not what I want, is it having fun, rebelling, laughing, getting drunk, trying to smoke, or even having a boyfriend? The one stable thing from all this is wanting to get  the hell out of here as soon as possible, I want to be out there, I want to be independent even if it means sleeping on pavements and starving for a week. I want this.

Though I would be lying if I said that there is not a reason for why I suddenly do not know where I stand. I do, I gained weight and somewhere along that road I lost my confidence, my sole treasure. I am not Miss Universe and I am not the smartest cookie in my group, but I have went through pains to reach what I saw as the perfect body, to be able to wear a size 4 skinny pants that made me happy and made me swell with pride. It made me walk with my head up high, and stress made me loose all this, I eat when I am stressed or nervous, which was the case for the past two months in which I have gained a lot of weight. My liquid diet is not as efficient as it used to be and I cannot seem to commit to another one.

Pretty or not:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Smf5seVgynk

Peace Out! H!

Snappy the Snape Box

From where I come from it's almost a taboo for a female to be friends with the male human species. Some justify this from a religious angel saying that it is not acceptable, while others claim from a social angel that it tampers with the girl's clean white reputation slate. The girl is not supposed to talk to a man unless he is a family member. Girls are taught to fear men. Well, I am  rebellious by nature, so I defied this and I talked to boys. No, I am not a bad ass, it is just that to me, it was not logical if my folks wished to have me to not speak to boys, why on earth did I study in a girl-boy school not an all girls school? Why were most of my teachers men not women? Why was I allowed to watch T.V and see actresses talking and kissing other actors? and most important: why was I only allowed to speak to men in my family only? I mean what was so special about them?
Answer: Because we trust them H, we know them. *Seriously?*

How could you not trust someone you haven't dealt with him yet? That is prejudice, level: primitive. I talk to boys, I play with them, hang around and have a lot of fun when they are around. I am not a whore or a bitch. I just have enough common sense to really distinguish  between who is a bad ass no-no boy and a respectable man, and I try to chose the second type.

I have met some boys I would love to set them on fire, for they used to bully me and they had hurt me on various occasions and I used to cry. For a while I would beat them up with whatever my hands could reach or simply punch them or pull out their hair *Barbaric much?* But then I grew older and so did they, and I could not do what I used to do because they were taller and stronger than me, so I opted for ignoring the jerks. It works and if they ever approach me, well they are asking for it. I admit, I do not have a lady-like tongue, when provoked I turn to a Medusa, trust me it is not a very pretty sight for those poor bastards.

The respectable men whom I chose to be with, I always approach them. I remember how I talked to my first male best-friend. to make things easier for that Harry Potter geek, I will call him Severus Snape. (Snappy later on) Now Snappy to me was a shy character, he did not talk to strangers mainly *sigh, how cute* so I added him on Facebook and we started chatting. The more I talked to him the more I was impressed and I soon fell in love with his character; I mean what was not to like? He is polite, sarcastic,  funny, and he has an amazing taste in music. He used to write, but he is currently cursed with an author's block (or is it blog? I cannot remember. Well not a problem, you get the picture, Snappy lost the inspiration needed to write.) Get well soon Snappy! He also looks like David Archuletta, though he always denies that, but I know better. Severus is always there for me even though I more often than not accuse him of slacking off his friendship duties. He is one hell of a guy! I am lucky to have him as a friend, as a bestie. Snappy, you simply rock \m/

P.S.: I am sure I am embarrassing him by now. Oh well, he'll live for sure. Hopefully, love you Snappy :)

Yes today I am taking a break from my G-days. It started with a daydream and ended with a tribute to a dear friend.

This song is dedicated to You Snappy/ David: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J1-eYBbspA&ob=av2e

Peace out! H!

A Dream

Independence, independence, independence, this is my dream. I dream of a small tiny apartment which I would paint in various shades of green. I would wake up everyday, go to work, come home, prepare dinner, feed Bugzy (my imaginary pet rabbit), write, dance, sing, do whatever I please, then go to bed. On weekends, I would invite my friends over, or have a crazy night alone, then cuddle up and read Angels and Demons till I fall asleep. My little apartment would have a balcony where I could bask in the glory of the sunlight and try and get a tan to my strangely developed white complexion. Eating in silence, studying in silence, doing whatever I please in silence. Silence is really great, it's not appreciated that much, unfortunately. My bedroom would be green with dark oak-like wooden floors, a queen sized bed with an orange quilt over it. Do not judge me, my room, my rules! A closet full of jeans and T-shirts, bags and high high heels. I just love heels! I would add a cream fluffy carpet and turn on the heater at night and have a perfect 8-hour sleep in quietness. It's amazing. My kitchen would be small, I would be mostly living on take away, but when I feel like tinkering my cooking skills, I would try my hand with strange types of pasta mmm Yum! I would convert myself freely to a die-hard vegetarian with no one judging me. Meat is not all that great. It has blood in it and I just do not like it that much. I can live without it. My fridge would be stocked with all various kinds of natural fresh juices that nature can provide *sigh* This is heaven, not to forget some nice green tea with a lemon zest in it. Heaven Completely Heaven!

I needed to take that out of my system, and to show you guys that my life was not all G-like days. It has some nice daydreams in it, which I plan to make it come true someday, when I have enough money first.

I cannot wait for the new episodes on The Vampire Diaries, The Bang Theory, Monster High and Glee...such good series I watch, I hope I could enjoy them this week though...

Well this song has been on my mind lately so I thought I would share it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg8QgUIKXHw&ob=av2e

Peace out! H!

Single

The joys of being alone, an only child in your family. You cannot rely on them, seriously! The rage episode continues on I suppose...Usually I am this positive person, happy go lucky type, but with some blue moments. Lately I cannot just be that. It's easy to smile on Facebook, saying LOL, ROFL, OMG that was hilarious! But it is not. The joy of a smile, you know that curve on your mouth the one you turn upside down, makes you look great, especially with white teeth. Yes that is not there anymore. I don't like to go around moping and thank God I haven't reached the stage of Moaning Myrtle, yet!

I enjoy the moments of silence I get over here without having to hear fights and swears from my siblings. It's really, well barbaric for starters, and really noisy. You would think the clash of the Titans is taking place in the living room.

I don't think the G days are quiet over yet. There is still a long way to go.

My anger track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PstrAfoMKlc&ob=av2e

Peace Out! H!

Introducing the H

Rage! I don't think many people start with such an introduction about themselves, but for a long time I really wanted to write it down, shout it out loud. Rage. a four-lettered word that sums up what I am feeling right now. Mixed emotions, tears fighting not to fall. It's raining usually I love the rain, yet it's very depressing now. Maybe because I am listening to my newly discovered show/song: Back to Black: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBSSDGWhO-o Santana you simply rock. Bitch on the outside, a female within.That's right, I should be as tough as she is, no one has the ability to back talk her or even come near her. She walks and people stand by the side till her royal majesty passes by. Authority, power, terrorizing those around you to achieve your goal.

Well, now that I have said that, at last! I think you might have got a glimpse of my personality. I like Glee and I am a huge fan of Santana. I am a depressed person, trying to heal her psychological scars through writing about them. I think that's enough for a strange intro.

Peace out! H!