Oedipus Complex..The Twisted Version

"You look just like your father!" "OMG, this is what your father just said!" "Wow, you too look alike in a creepy way" this is just a glimpse of what I hear. The truth is I am not daddy's little princess, I am not the apple of his eyes, i hate and despise him. Hearing such words always makes me cringe internally. People are cursing me without being aware of it. He is my curse. I hate how people say, I have his, whatever the hell he has, I hate how they say I have inherited his personality traits, and how they feel like they are talking to him instead of me.

My father, is an emotional abuser, he used to physically abuse me as a young girl as a form of punishment, to make sure I will never do it again. That still has its marks on my legs, after all there is a reason I do not like to wear skirts and short dresses. That man, now being at the age of twenty, emotionally abuses me. Whenever he talks I feel anger, wrath -to be more precise- that is all bottled up in, I just close my mouth and force that stupid anger down to God knows where.

Making fun of whatever dreams and hopes I have is an abuse, making me feel that no matter what I do is not enough, is an abuse, telling me I am a loser, is a FREAKING ABUSE. I hate you. I want to go to intensive therapy because of you. I want to cry and I cannot. I have no privacy under your roof, you do not respect what I feel, want or do, you do not even knock on the door before you enter, you just barge in and you never shut the freaking door behind you. I HATE YOU. I hate how you conveniently enter when I am on the phone to shout and embarrass me. I HATE YOUR BARBARIC ACTS. I hate how you always stand on my brothers’ side and never mine, even though I am mostly right. I hate you. I just hate you. I hate inheriting your hormones, I hate having your DNA. I wish you death. I wish I were an orphan a long while back. I hate how I cannot express my feelings to those I love, it always comes out awkward. I hate fearing that one day I will be the female version of you. I hate how I am scared of getting into anything real (regarding romance), because am too scared to end up like mom, a passive watcher who does nothing. I hate you. I hate how you are always skeptic whenever I ask for anything. I lie and I cheat to get what I want from you. I hate how I cannot study because of your presence and how you keep coming up with fucked up ideas regarding remodeling the sardine can you call home, whenever I have exams. I am having an exam at the moment and I cannot study because you are acting like a freaking crazy hulk! You are losing your temper and you just keep screaming and I keep bottling it up. I will explode one day and I will kill you. I will find a way to do so.

And the most thing I hate about you, is how you think money can solve all this fucked up shit. Buying me clothes will not solve the fucked up, lost me. It makes me hate you for making me feel like a manipulator. I hate you. Oh how I wish I were an orphan. I hate you!