Case: Creature:
Now Creature is really hard to explain, he is a human being to start with, to some he is a drop dead gorgeous, to me I find him normal, and I assure you from day one I didn't spot that WOW-factor girls find in him. We started as.. well I started by hating him with a passion, I made it my duty to just frown at him whenever he showed up, in hopes to drive him away because he reminded me of someone I hated. However, he was good friends with my Princess and after a while I knew that I just had to deal with the fact that he is sticking around for a while, so I didn't talk to him and tried to make his life a living hell, but I failed.
Over the summer and thanks to my Princess he accidentally added me on Facebook, something made me after a while happy because I didn't accept the request till after a week I would log on everyday and see that Friend Request and laugh. -Hehe good old days xD-. We started talking one day and I saw that Creature was a human being and decided to give a chance, though still not talking to him. Oh I know -girl logic whatever- then one day, me being this freaky bookworm, I was searching for a good book to read and he suggests The Other Boleyn Girl which turned out to be pretty good and that the boy really had some taste. I was impressed.
Some where along the road, Mr. Creature provokes me and decides to say that I look and act like a guy. I was hurt and deeply offended by him and I decided to loose weight and get a makeover just to prove him wrong and show him I can be a lady when I choose to be. When we got back to school, the look on his face was priceless. Victory and success, they do taste sweet! HAHA!
Over the year, we started to get to know each other, and he turned out to be a good person and a wonderful older and taller brother to me :)
Now I have this thing in me I don't know whether it's good or bad, but I love my friends dearly and I consider them family, I cannot stand someone attacking them in my presence and just shut up and smile about it. I admit that it got me into a lot of trouble before, but that did not stop me. It's simple: you attack them you attack me. So I found it really hurtful when he wasn't there to stand up for himself and I had to just listen to what was being said about him from another close friend. It was not fair and I feel horrible, I feel like I have let him down and I cannot even go and apologize to him because that would lead to explaining what happened in the first place, which might hurt or offend him. Shame on me. So me being the genius I am decided to try and start "un-friending" him, it is easy, right? I hated the person once, I can hate him again, pick a fight or something and that's pretty much it, BAM!and we are no longer friends, and I might be able to sleep with a happy conscience. Wrong and fatal mistake; stupid thinking with stupid outcomes, leading me to avoid him at all costs. I am an awful person, I admit it.
I miss my brother and I cannot talk to him because I am avoiding him because I do not want to let him know what I know so as not to hurt him. Drama Queen much? Well enough of it already, I do not feel like writing anymore about this. Maybe I would just show it to him and hopefully, he would understand.
One of his favorite songs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NPgVESNjPg
Peace Out! H!
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Rantings of the Solo
It really does not make any sense, all this stifled anger. I am really surprised how at times I laugh it off and at others I burst out crying and in most severe cases, I just shut down and stare at it. I feel lost, I do not where or how to stand, my core is gone. Ever felt like an air balloon, the least amount of wind pushes you away, far from where you intended to stand?
How am I to just shake it off, music is really a temporary medicine, its effect lasts for like 48 hours and that's it, back to square one. I feel like I have lost my identity. They say crying makes you feel better, but it just makes you aware of that hole inside, makes you realize how truly you are nothing.
A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed: well I cannot say that this is not true, but it is not effective to me anymore, I cannot have a heart to heart conversation with Snappy, Feminine Fantasy, Princess Y, Forever Independent, or Creature. I have no idea what is it that I lack, what is it that I suffer and more important what do I want. Do I want to excel in my studies, do I want to be popular, am I on a quest of seeing who the hell is this new gloomy H? What? Questions that seem to have no answers yet.
Like an out of body experience, seeing people around you with a sudden new perspective (will be revealed later on), but it's not what I want, is it having fun, rebelling, laughing, getting drunk, trying to smoke, or even having a boyfriend? The one stable thing from all this is wanting to get the hell out of here as soon as possible, I want to be out there, I want to be independent even if it means sleeping on pavements and starving for a week. I want this.
Though I would be lying if I said that there is not a reason for why I suddenly do not know where I stand. I do, I gained weight and somewhere along that road I lost my confidence, my sole treasure. I am not Miss Universe and I am not the smartest cookie in my group, but I have went through pains to reach what I saw as the perfect body, to be able to wear a size 4 skinny pants that made me happy and made me swell with pride. It made me walk with my head up high, and stress made me loose all this, I eat when I am stressed or nervous, which was the case for the past two months in which I have gained a lot of weight. My liquid diet is not as efficient as it used to be and I cannot seem to commit to another one.
Pretty or not: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Smf5seVgynk
Peace Out! H!
How am I to just shake it off, music is really a temporary medicine, its effect lasts for like 48 hours and that's it, back to square one. I feel like I have lost my identity. They say crying makes you feel better, but it just makes you aware of that hole inside, makes you realize how truly you are nothing.
A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed: well I cannot say that this is not true, but it is not effective to me anymore, I cannot have a heart to heart conversation with Snappy, Feminine Fantasy, Princess Y, Forever Independent, or Creature. I have no idea what is it that I lack, what is it that I suffer and more important what do I want. Do I want to excel in my studies, do I want to be popular, am I on a quest of seeing who the hell is this new gloomy H? What? Questions that seem to have no answers yet.
Like an out of body experience, seeing people around you with a sudden new perspective (will be revealed later on), but it's not what I want, is it having fun, rebelling, laughing, getting drunk, trying to smoke, or even having a boyfriend? The one stable thing from all this is wanting to get the hell out of here as soon as possible, I want to be out there, I want to be independent even if it means sleeping on pavements and starving for a week. I want this.
Though I would be lying if I said that there is not a reason for why I suddenly do not know where I stand. I do, I gained weight and somewhere along that road I lost my confidence, my sole treasure. I am not Miss Universe and I am not the smartest cookie in my group, but I have went through pains to reach what I saw as the perfect body, to be able to wear a size 4 skinny pants that made me happy and made me swell with pride. It made me walk with my head up high, and stress made me loose all this, I eat when I am stressed or nervous, which was the case for the past two months in which I have gained a lot of weight. My liquid diet is not as efficient as it used to be and I cannot seem to commit to another one.
Pretty or not: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Smf5seVgynk
Peace Out! H!
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