A Strange Peanut

I just hoped that it would be different, different from my fairy tales. I changed. I became vulnerable, I am scared. For someone who preaches independence, having someone else other than themselves to make them happy and smile is dangerous. I see it as letting go of my independence, willingly. I don't know how to explain it, but it's like feeling at peace with yourself; happy that you get the prospect of "sharing." Smiling while envisioning all the possible scenarios that might face "us". "Us"' is an interesting word. I never noticed it could be fuzzy and warmish, it feels right, no, perfect.

Usually when things are too good to be true, I tend to gradually isolate myself from them so as not to feel abandoned when it is suddenly snatched from my hands, when the Universe suddenly deems that I have maxed out my happiness account. This time I cannot, no, I don't want to isolate myself. I don't want to distance myself from what may or may not cause me misery as time passes by. I am enjoying it for the time being, in my own absurd way. I get to view things, the way I usually do. Not through the traditional contemplation logical way, just normal, I think.

A simple mathematical problem: 1+1=2. In an alternative universe, it would be a zero or even a three, but I am in this Universe and it fits, it says two. For once, I am not upset that the Universe has set the unspoken, two, an even number that could be easily divided into two equal entities where the two parts have the same luxuries and responsibilities. Even numbers are beautiful they show how things should be done between pairs. No one gets to carry a share larger or smaller than his potential, there is collaboration. Because at the end of the path, they reunite into a One, way more powerful and beautiful than the two separated.

I am not sure whether am I to feel exuberant and radiant, or skeptical and cautious. They say: "Better be safe, than sorry" but they also say that taking risks is good, that leaps of blind faith can turn to a good thing. You never really know, you just follow logic. I listen to my mind, who at the moment is void of any sense. Something really ridiculous, for a multi-tasking brain that corrects papers, listens to music, and chats on the phone at the same time. How could you back off and disappear at my time of need? I rely on you because for the last couple of years you have managed to shield and protect me from disappointments. You've taught me that people are never what they claim. That pink promises are nothing but placebos. That the so called heart, is nothing but a stupid pumping machine that assumes it knows everything when it comes to human nature; and later on rushes to the mind for protection.

Pointless. Disappointing. Stupid. Ridiculous.